without the doing, dreaming is useless

without dreaminga few months ago, i found myself at a crossroads… staying in my (then) job or just quitting.. you see, nothing had changed. the politics, the people, the content of my daily life in that building, within the walls of the meeting rooms, the incessant emails, the constantly ringing phone.. the younger people who waited for instructions from me… nothing had changed… it was all the same… but something inside me had…

a little history, i had been talking myself into quitting my job to pursue full time study and to entertain my long-time dream of being a travelling academic, of teaching and writing… the only thing that had stopped me was mere procrastination… at some point, (i don’t know) when i reached this point, my heart just couldn’t take it… i couldn’t write… i couldn’t think creatively anymore… the thought of going to work seemed like torture… i was missing deadlines… i saw some disciplinary action looming… i worried… i brooded over the idea of quitting… for weeks, which turned into months… when i eventually sat in front of my computer one morning and just decided then and there that i could no longer lie to myself or them…

i came across this video recently, it’s title without the doing, dreaming is useless … the title stayed with me for days… i tried to think why i was so touched by it… it finally dawned on me that i had been dreaming and the doing bug was eating me alive…

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