baby fat

They tell me ‘he’s beautiful’,

‘He has dreamy skin’

and ‘a perfect smile’.

Some even say, ‘I could just eat him up’.

I nod and smile.

The sweat around the folds of my belly

streaming,

uncomfortably in the spot where my son sits on my hip.

A constant reminder of the ravages of pregnancy

And what happens

when the baby fat simply refuses to budge.

I smile

even though my soul longs

for the body it used to inhabit…

Advertisements

i am afraid

I’m afraid regret will make me more bitter than I already am
I wear it like a second skin
Close enough for its stench to be a constant reminder
Of why I hate
You
Of why I hate
This
What we’ve become
Familiar strangers
Circling in suffering
I am afraid regret causes me to murder you a thousand times each day
I allow it to fill my chest until I can’t breathe
Heavily it rests, waiting for me to release
The hate of me
I harbour

the bind

When everything hurts,
dancing in the rain
just doesn’t feel the same.
Mingled tears taste different
when the heart is heavy.
The poisonous stench of anger
clings to my skin
like an unwanted gift.
The aura of your presence
an absent reminder, daily.
Trudging through messy memories
that refuse to leave my mind’s eye.
Like a movie on repeat,
my imagination playing tricks on me.
Sadness envelopes us as I miss the simple passing of beauty.
I search your eyes for a flicker of something
to pacify my disbelief.
Stuck in this space of gloom.
Unable to move
Because our ring binds me to you;
you to me
Burdened by my pensive hands.
Restrained.

you’re never out of my imagination

I only have to close my eyes and I’ll soon start crying again
My silence is heavy upon me,
Thoughts of you fill my head all the time
It’s funny how someone I haven’t even met can affect my life so
I look forward to the day when we will meet
Will you have my ears or my smile?
Will you have his big brown eyes?
You leave me wondering …

You keep me awake at night with your conversations
I sing you songs to make you sleep
I tell you stories of a time you’ll soon experience
I cannot hide you anymore as each day I swell more and more, bearing witness of your imminent arrival.
You leave me wondering …

It’s only a matter of time till the accident of birth when we’ll meet
I wonder what it will be like
I pray it’s easy and quick
I find no answer in your mumblings inside me
Still, you leave me wondering,
Never out of my imagination.

 

 

moments

 

Sosketchlovemetimes, it’s more than a meeting of minds.

Bodies touching.

A moment.

Precious.

Entirely on its own.

Stands up to the blistering light.

Interrogated.

The humming of the night hushes the blemishes left by words that cannot be spoken.

Postponed for another time.

Hopeful.

We return to the spot.

journey to its serenity

The moment of death is fixed.

Life is nothing but a journey to its serenity.

The moments in between.

Tears.

Conversations at midnight.

Death is a wide open embrace.

Somersaults of winds that bring the rain at night.

Dreams of summer bring nothing but crazy memories of brown skin against wet sand.

The moment of death is fixed.

Life is nothing but a series of steps up a hill.

Tumbling down sand dunes.

Salt water seeps between cracks and gnaws at the wound.

The moment of death is fixed.

Its muted tones leaves a trail of stillness.

I know what I knew then: Lying here would bring me closer to my maker.

maybe, never

the thought of owning the bruises in your eyes.

the cracks of your broken heart

through the unspoken words

of promises,

of things i should be,

but can’t bear to be

in your life right now,

maybe never.

is simply too much.

these thoughts cuts deep.

guilt riddles me

like a hunger you dare me to feed.

the thought of hearing your voice

in my mind’s eye

before i go to sleep

pleading with me ‘to try one more time’

to be things i can’t be

and would probably never bear to be

in your life right now,

maybe never.

i am not hate.

nor do i respond to holding

broken hearts

in the bosom

of my happiness.

i laugh

because

tears would just be too obvious.

the deal

Nothing beats the discovery of love in tree houses.
With birds chirping all around, loud enough to muffle the sounds
that we shouldn’t be making in the first place.
We imagine ourselves in that other city,
In another world another time where no one knows who we are and
where we’ve been
Avenues lined with palm trees,
We walk hand in hand
Far from a life punctuated with uncertainty.
Nothing beats the feeling of stolen moments
Whispers in the dark, secrets sworn
Happy in the knowledge that we’re each other’s One.
With the prospect of marriage looming happily in our horizons
Mirages of a life we’ve been dreaming of for so long.
Well, that’s how we hope it is going to be.
He never escapes my imagination and I his.
He is presence and I am reality.

the fly life

right now,
i wish i was a fly on a wall
on the sunny side of this building.
catching a tan;
or whatever it is flies do on walls
i’d sit and listen.
pick up dirty bits;
and hope no one swats me dead.
i’d move with the sun
as the day progresses
the fly life..
aah…

 

poetry: passing through

this morning

for a brief moment, i could’ve sworn

it was the sound of your laughter i heard.
it’s funny how we always assume that we will meet again.
and then years pass by.
next thing i hear, you are gone.
we will never see each other again.
not in this lifetime, at least.
part of me is glad that my only memories of you,
are all of you happy and healthy.
am constantly wondering whether there will come a time when my heart will get used to the thought of loss, of death… whether this jolt of the heartstrings will fade…
we forget the pain and continue living, till the next time…